It's this other stuff that I'm going to rant about, so for today, please excuse my bitching and complaining. I know what's truly valuable in life, I need no reminders, but there is still a part of me who would just love to sit back for a day and take a break from worrying about everything and planning how to make ends meet again for the next day.
I had to leave my job back in July. I quit, but not voluntarily. My hours were cut in what I believe was a retaliatory move by big cheese in charge. I say retaliatory because when I followed all protocols regarding my volunteer service with Team Rubicon, I was berated for "abandoning my position" and helping in something that wasn't "my emergency". (My position was an associate in a floral department in a supermarket and I was only scheduled 2 shifts that week-this was 4 days in advance, that was all the notice I had as well.) I was told that "I must not need the hours if I can just up and leave". After that, they cut my hours to 1/3 of what they had been. As a result, I could no longer afford pre-school for my son, so I had to quit in order to care for him.
I filed for unemployment in August and have yet to receive any money. Nothing that I ever received ever clearly stated that I 1) was indeed receiving payment or 2) that I needed to re-file bi-weekly STARTING FROM THE DATE I FILED. I knew about the refiling bi-weekly, but I understood it as refiling AFTER you were told yes, you're getting paid. So, now, almost 8 weeks later, I have to re-open the claim and hope I can still be paid and haven't lost that time. My gripe is this- I may not be a genius, but I'm not an idiot either. They made this whole ordeal so confusing I didn't understand a single thing that was going on. I got 5 letters in the mail, all stating the SAME EXACT THING, none of them telling me an answer. I never knew I was officially approved, and therefore, my claim went silently inactive. There are people like me, who legitimately need this money and they make you jump through hoop after hoop, yet there are others who get it at the drop of a hat simply because they choose not to work. Why is it so hard to get help in this country?
This leads me to my underlying frustration. Government assistance and food stamps. There are so many people, like me, who need the benefit of food stamps but are ineligible because we make "too much money". I put that in quotes because we literally make $100 too much. That's it. $100. Take less hours you say? That's not possible because we have other bills to pay, and without the guarantee that food is taken care of, we can't risk not being able to pay. As it is, most of our cabinets are empty and our fridge as well. We buy what we can to make sure our kids are fed well, but we sweat each week wondering if we'll be ok. We don't have a house, we rent. We don't have a car payment-we both have old used cars that are pretty much held together by duct tape and hope. I would be working if I could find a job that paid enough to have my son in pre-school, but no one is hiring and those that are, can't give me enough hours or a high enough wage to cover what I need. I had a small savings that we had to cash out in order to buy school supplies for the kids and pay bills with. Even the school supplies for my son-we had to buy two of everything and were not allowed to put their names on the items. Why? Because they are "pooled together because they don't want any child to feel left out because they don't have a supply". So....I have to pay for someone ELSE'S kid's stuff because they don't feel like getting it? I CAN'T AFFORD IT MYSELF! Now, that being said, I understand that there are those who legitimately can't afford things, but the majority (especially around where I live) can most definitely afford the things they need.
You kind of get a wake up call when you're standing in Wal Mart crying because you have to decide between making sure your child has school supplies and whether or not you will be able to buy groceries if you spend this money, or you try to calculate how far you can go on the 1/4 tank of gas you have left in your car and if it will last you until you can scrape enough change together from under the couch cushions (which I have done more than once). I don't understand how others receive so much help from the government by doing so little. My husband and I try to be good people, we're honest and hard working, we don't look for handouts or cheats, why are we the ones getting screwed? I know we're not the only ones, but I am using my situation to demonstrate what's REALLY happening to millions of families. Never has the divide between truly rich and poor been so apparent. There is no getting out from under this ceiling without a drastic and major increase in income. That won't happen anytime soon because neither my husband nor I have a college degree. I could not afford to finish college because I was paying it on my own. Had I finished, I'd be a doctor by now, and probably not griping about this stuff. Instead, I'm trying to write and sell my stories, I've sold all my jewelry, trying to open an Etsy business (I have to be able to do SOMETHING with all my creative energy). If I could sell my eggs, I would. Or any organ for that matter.
So that brings me to my next rant - health care. Obamacare proves to screw us no matter what. Those of us who have coverage through spouses or work, our premiums will go up because of the amount of people who now MUST be covered. If you're not working and are not covered by any one's health care, and can't afford to buy private insurance, you will now be forced to pay to GET covered or face a fine. So....let me get this straight....those who can barely afford it now, you're going to raise the cost so they can't afford it anymore (or businesses choose to drop it altogether because it's costing them too much) or they have to pay money they don't have to buy your insurance or get fined for not having it. WHO WINS WITH THIS? As it is, I have foregone many health issues and procedures (mainly dental thanks to years of bulimia) because we can't afford the copays. You want to make us pay MORE? This nation is in for a terrible awakening.
I feel a little better now, getting that out on paper (so to speak). I'm not crying anymore at least. I just have a headache, but that's common considering how much I think about. So, if you made it through all that, I thank you for listening. If you're going through the same thing, know that my heart goes out to you and I'm hoping for you get some relief just as much as I want it for myself. This is such a difficult position to be in- too "rich" to be classified as "poor", too "poor" to be "rich" in anything but love. Being the richest of the poor still means you're poor.
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